---Oprah Winfrey
I'm not sure how or when a friend/girl code establishes itself, but it does. The guidelines are never truly said outloud and, yet, they magically appear. There is no séance or Ya-Ya Sisterhood gimmick that magically creates the girl code. It just happens.
Taken from Urban Dictionary:
1# Rule no 1 and the MOST IMPORTANT OF ALL.. No girl may date her friend's; exs, past crushes, guys who have humiliated/used her and guys she currently fancies... Do this at your own risk biatch!!
Exceptions to rule:
a) Your friend has given you permission/ couldn't care less
b) The said fancying/going out happened before the age of puberty
I think that from time to time we each break the rules unintentionally. I, for intance, sorta broke the girl code by not telling friend 'A' that her boyfriend had asked friend 'B' and myself if he could party w/ us in Juarez. My thoughts at the time were, "Well... he wants to go. Friend 'A' can't go. We're all just friends. It's harmless, right?" This happened over 15 yrs ago and things were never the same between friend 'A' and myself. Let's just say, she chose to forgive her boyfriend and marry him years later, but she couldn't forgive me. I wasn't driving! The unsaid girl code was: As my friend, you need to tell me the truth about my boyfriend AND no, it's not ok that he party with you.
Breaking the friend/girl code happens all too frequently but there are times where the honor of the code survives. For example, my group of gal pals knew I had a crush on this guy we all used to hang out with. That automatically determined, to them, that he was off-limits. I never said they couldn't attempt anything with him, nor did I say that I had dibs. It was understood. The funny thing is that, just recently. I was able to tell that guy why none of my friends had approached him back then. He thought it was hilarious and said that it was probably for the best.... since we are very good friends now.
I find it interesting that this friend/girl code continues to exist. If a guy hurts a member of the circle of friends, it's automatically understood that the circle of friends will abolish all ties with that guy. Well.... most girls understand that. ;)
Is it a “code”? I thought it was just respect for a friend. If you know that your friend has a huge thing for someone then out of respect to him\her you don’t go there. I think it can go both ways too (girl\guy). To me it’s just common sense, respect, and value for your friend. I never got why some people always play the “What did I do?” card? Oh come on now, you know you crossed the line, don’t play. To me that person is automatically added to my “Uncool List”. Even if this person did not disrespect me personally, the fact that it was done to someone else wouldn’t put it past me that it be done to me. So from there on I would watch closely and pay attention to this so called “friend”.
ReplyDeleteIt could potentially be translated as respect for that friend. Overall, I think it's primarily a female thing. Most men, will swap and exchange girls without holding resentment to any of their guy friends. Overall, if there was a long commitment, then it's understood that out of respect for your friend (m or f) their ex is off-limits.
ReplyDeleteThose "What did I do?" or "I didn't know" comments are pretty questionable when it comes from long time friends. I guess they make up for it other departments. :)